Love, Red Read online

  “How about those beignets?”

  So wish I was with you right now,

  Gwynyth

  Love Letters – Fantasy #3 - The Ability to Trust

  Dear Rune,

  There is an extreme level of trust in what we are about to do. The great thing about a longtime friendship is that you get to know someone’s inner being. The best part of an intimate relationship that has a base in friendship is that you can tell the other person your deepest desires, and they don’t judge. They might think they our thoughts are different, or even unconventional, but being willing to explore the possibilities is something that keeps the physical part of the relationship fresh and exciting.

  I blush at the fact that the persona that most people think of when they think of me is so different from the person that I am with you. I’ve always been the woman who everyone thought did things by the book, but when I’m with you, there is this side of me that comes out and feels alive.

  As much as I don’t want to admit it to you, the idea of you teasing me until I’m on the verge of tears for you to go inside of me, turns the waterfall on full blast. Part of it has to do with something I don’t do very easily, and that is giving up total control of my world. Being at your mercy, but trusting you at the same time is something that allows me to let go of all my inhibitions.

  There is something about being able to put my arms around you when we are making love that gives me a sense of control, but today, you have decided I’m not going to be allowed to do that at first.

  You have tried unsuccessfully in the past to make me leave my hands above my head, but the desire takes over, and I can’t. So you have decided we are going to try something different. You ask me if I trust you, and I say, “Yes, completely.”

  You lean over and open the drawer next to the bed and pull out a strip of fabric. My heart quickens, and I ask you what you are going to do. You just keep saying, “Trust me.” And I do, but I have to confess, I am a bit nervous.

  You take the fabric and tie my hands together. Not too tight, but just enough to keep them together. Then you take the other end and tie it to the slats in the headboard. I’m a little, no, a lot, nervous, but you kiss me and tell me it is going to be okay. You start kissing my neck and then move to my breasts. My body arches, but you tell me to stop. You want me to lie perfectly still – or at least as much as possible.

  You mouth is now on one breast, while your fingers are playing with the other one. I’m having a very hard time controlling my body. You move down to start at my feet and slowly move your fingertips up and down my calves at first, then you move to my thighs. You know how much that turns me on, and as you spread my legs apart, you start to grin.

  Your fingers continue to move closer to the wetness, and my hips are moving with every stroke of your fingers. I tell you I need you inside of me, but you say, “Not yet.” As your fingers get closer to the source of wetness and heat, I ask you again, to please go inside of me.

  You move forward and slowly push yourself deep inside of me, and I sigh with the relief that feeling you inside of me brings. But then you pull out and say, “Not yet.” I’m begging you to please stay inside of me, but you won’t. Your fingers continue to move up and down my thighs and then find their way back to the wetness.

  You start playing with the juices and running your fingers around the nub and then around the outside; and I’m lost in the pleasure, but it’s just not what I want. I ask you again to please go inside of me; you smile and move into position. You lower yourself all the way into me again, and I squeeze with all my might to keep you there, but you pull out again and grin. You ask if that is what I want, and I keep saying over and over again, “Please make love to me.”

  You say, “No, not yet, let’s start this again.” And your mouth is back on my breasts and your fingers are playing with the wetness between my legs. It is no longer a desire to make love to you, but a need. You move into position again and go back inside of me, and the pleasure is overwhelming. I sigh and say, “Please, don’t stop.”

  You move in and out of me a couple more times, and I’m almost to the point of OMG, but you pull out and say, “Not yet.” There is so much juice between my legs now; I can feel it dripping. I’m telling you how much I need you to make love to me, but instead, your fingers are moving up and down my thighs first, and then you are back to my breasts.

  You smile and tell me you think I’m ready to come, but I can’t even answer you anymore. I’m lost in the pleasure of your fingers moving all over my body. But when you touch the wetness, my body moves uncontrollably.

  I ask you to release my hands so that I can grab hold of you, but you say no. I’m now at the point where it is almost painful, I want you so much.

  As you move on top of me again, I’m certain you will give in to me and let me have my first OMG. I think you are going to go inside of me, but instead, you take Mr. Happy and start rubbing the outside and the nub. You tell me if I want it, I have to tell you exactly what I want.

  I ask why begging isn’t enough, and you say you want me to tell you what I want. I tell you I’m lost in the pleasure of your touch, but that I want more. I want you to go inside of me and then pull out and to do that over and over and over again.

  “Like this?” you ask as you slip the head into me.

  “No, I want all of you inside of me.”

  You slip halfway in and ask if that is what I want. I say, “No,” and move my hips to try and get more of you inside of me. I ask you please and tell you I can’t take it anymore. I need you to make love to me.

  Do you want to tell me how this ends? Or should I continue? Do you know how much I want you?

  Gwynyth

  Chapter 14 –

  A Dream Comes True

  He called the next day, after having read that fantasy.

  “I can’t wait until September to see you again. Is there any way you can come to New York – even if it is just for one day?” His voice had that pleading sound to it.

  “It’s just not possible. My boss is out of town, my lead here in the US is on vacation, and I’m scheduled to leave with the kids on Friday for our annual visit with my stepmom. I don’t know how I can just pick up and leave on such short notice.”

  “I understand. I just need you here.” The sadness in his voice was hard to hear.

  “Let me talk to my European lead tomorrow. I’ll see what he thinks.”

  Never in the entire time had we known each other, did he ever said he needed me. And as much as it was about making love, there were also the issue of his divorce.

  Each time we talked, he was getting more and more overwhelmed with the reality of what it was going to take to get out of the marriage. The financial implications and the emotional trauma for his son.

  I knew the fantasies had triggered the physical response I wanted, but our discussions about what was going on in his life overshadowed our reunion.

  I arrived at the office the next morning and immediately called Eric.

  “Hi Eric. Have a quick question for you.”

  “Sure, boss, what’s up? What can I help with?’

  “I was talking to Rune last night, and he wanted to know if I could come to New York for a couple of days this week before I leave for Arkansas. I’ve told him I would check with you and see how you felt about handling everything on your own for a few extra days.”

  Eric was fully aware of what was going on with Rune. He and Colin had been my “advisors” ever since I started talking to Rune. They were giving me the male perspective on my relationship with him. I didn’t share everything with them, but just enough to understand what he meant was to me.

  It was a little embarrassing to confess that I had been having this “affair” for 30 years, but Gen X and Y have a very different view of the world than the baby boomers did, especially in the area of love.

  Eric’s response was classic, “And why aren’t you on the plane right now? You could have just WhatsApp’d me and told
me you were on your way to New York. You have been crazy in love with this man for years. If he says he needs you, you need to go. Men rarely let someone know that they are needed.”

  I sent Rune an email and said I had talked with Eric and if he was serious to let me know.

  Cell reception in my office building is not the best, so my phone didn’t ring when he called and left me a message.

  “Shades of Red calling,” he said with teasing in his voice. “Let’s figure it out. Call me back.”

  It’s wasn’t the response I expected. My insecurities were telling me that when he was confronted with us actually going through with getting together again, he would back out.

  “Sorry I missed your call, but are you sure this is what you want to do?” I asked.

  “Oh yeah, Puddles,” the smile coming through his words, “I think we have waited long enough, and neither of us is going to make it until September. It will just be nice to have my friend with me for a couple of days. This divorce is getting to me, and it’s been a long time since we have seen each other. And laughing with you has been so nice. You have no idea how much I’ve needed that.”

  “That’s a little scary in some way. I hate to break it to you, but I’ve aged since the last time we saw each other. And what if I told you I weighed 300 pounds now? You might want to back out.”

  “What if I weigh 300 pounds? Would you not want to see me?” he asked.

  “Your weight has no bearing on my wanting to see you,” I responded.

  “And it doesn’t for me, either. Honestly, I would just like to be able to be with you. Our friendship is what is important and let’s be frank. With what we have written to each other in the past few months, I think we could both be 200 pounds overweight, and neither of us would care. I just want to see you and spend some time with you.”

  And then he laughed. “Okay, there is a part of me that is looking forward to feeling your muscles squeeze me again. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about that in the last few years. So, are you going to come or not?”

  “Do you mean that literally or figuratively?” I said, knowing it would make him smile.

  “How about if we try for both?” he laughed. I so loved and missed the look on his face when he was this happy. And I longed to see those beautiful blue eyes and the turned up sides of his mouth when he smiled at me.

  I think it was the first time in my working career that I put myself first. I didn’t care what didn’t get done. If I was going to NYC to see Rune, I had to buy something to wear. I didn’t have anything that fit. I had yet to buy any new clothes since I started losing weight at the beginning of March.

  The decision to give losing weight one last chance was made three months before Rune and I started talking. There were two main reasons for my deciding to give it a try again. I was the typical yo-yo dieter. But after my marriage to Daryl fell apart, I decided to give up on love, and the best way for me to protect myself from ever getting involved again with anyone was to gain so much weight that no one would ever want me.

  I was pleased that I had started that journey before we started talking, but once we did, I have to admit that the motivation was heightened. This was different from the first time I had lost weight when we first met. One, I had started the process to be healthier for me months before. Two, I had been asked to give the keynote address at a conference in late March that triggered the change.

  I excelled in my field, but as much as I wish it weren’t so, people are judged by their looks. I’m not ugly by any standard, but I’m not a classic beauty, either. But I am smart enough to realize that if I wanted to take my career to the next level, I needed to do something about my weight.

  The reaction to my words by the participants showed me that I was a true expert in my field. For the first time, I realized that people saw and heard my words, instead of seeing the “fat girl.”

  But even more than the effect my weight had on my career, I wanted to lose weight for my daughters. Being single, I knew that if anything ever happened to me, they would be the ones left with the burden of taking care of me. I was okay with them being there for me if I had cancer or some other life-threatening disease that I had no control over, but I didn’t want them to be saddled with taking care of me if I was sick or incapacitated because I didn’t take care of myself.

  I was a little concerned about not having reached the goal I had in mind before seeing Rune, but as my brilliant daughter told me, “Mom, if he can’t love you the way you are, he doesn’t deserve you.”

  I left the office a little early and headed for the mall. The shopping gods must have been looking out for me because I found the perfect outfit to wear on the plane. I got home and started packing as soon as I had booked my flight. It was a non-stop to JFK that would get me into the city by 2 pm. Everything was working out.

  In less than 24 hours, I was going to be making love to Rune again. Nothing else mattered in my world.

  Chapter 15 –

  Sweet Ecstasy

  FEAR – That’s the only word to describe what I was feeling as I boarded the plane. So many thoughts were going through my head. What if when he saw me, my weight would be a factor? What if when I saw him, the magic was gone? What if there is an awkwardness that neither of us had anticipated?

  We had written so many chapters of Shades of Red. Would the hype live up to reality? Would making love live up to the fantasy we had built up?

  I texted him as soon as the plane landed. I hate the fact that picking someone up at the airport these days is reduced to our loved ones sitting in the Cell Phone lot until you are ready to be picked up. I would have preferred to see him standing at the end of the hall as I got off the plane, but we had agreed for me to let him know once I had landed.

  As he pulled into the pick-up lane, my heart stopped. When he got out of the truck to come greet me, the first thing that I thought was, My God, he hasn’t changed one bit. Yes, he was a little older. Yes, he had gained a few pounds. Yes, there were some laugh lines around his eyes, but what hadn’t changed was his smile. There was the mischievous turn at the corner of his mouth and the twinkle in his eyes that I had missed so much.

  “Hey, Puddles,” was the sweet greeting I got. He put his arms around me and said, “I’m glad you’re here. You will never know how much it means to me that you flew up here.” And then, grinning, he said, “Are you ready to live the chapters?”

  I looked up at him and said, “More than you will ever know.”

  He took my bags and opened the car door. “Okay, then, let’s go see where this is going to take us.”

  As we drove to the hotel, I couldn’t help but touch him. I put my hand on his leg and he took my hand in his. I was completely overwhelmed with emotions. My mind was racing with the thoughts of being there, of sitting next to him and feeling his hand on mine.

  It’s interesting the defenses that we put up when we are trying not to go to the obvious. We chatted about the weather. He asked what Julia and Marisa had said about me coming to New York.

  “I texted them and said I was going to be away for a few days. Julia wasn’t happy about the cryptic tone of my message. Marisa knows the whole story. Not sure how much she is going to share with her sister.”

  “Yeah, it’s probably not what most kids want to hear. Not easy knowing that ‘Mom’ is going to be having non-stop sex for two days,” was the amused reply.

  “What makes you think I came up here just to have sex with you?”

  “Twenty-something chapters of Shades of Red is a good indication of what your intentions for me are. I’m just a 20-year-old kid being taken advantage of by a cougar,” his laughter filling the cab of the truck.

  “You aren’t going to ever let that go, are you?” I said, smiling back at him.

  “Nope, not until we are 90 years old and rocking on the porch.” And then he looked at me and said, “Thank you so much for coming. I really needed you.”

  My heart was melting. The months of
writing had me falling in love more and more with each exchange, but being there with him was a scene in the most unbelievable love story I had ever seen or read. It was hard to breathe as he held my hand.

  The memory of his touch was now replaced by the fingers that were intertwined with mine. I could feel his skin; I could smell the soap that he had used that morning. And I could see his chest move as he breathed. I suddenly knew what heaven must be like.

  When we got to the hotel, it seemed so unreal. It was obvious to the man behind the desk that we were lovers. It could have been the smiles that were on our faces, or it could have been the way Rune was softly running his fingers up and down my arm. I think he couldn’t stop touching me because he was afraid my being there wasn’t real.

  As we checked in, he asked Rune, “How many keys would you like?”

  “Three, please.”

  I’m not sure why that struck me as odd, but I immediately responded, “Three. Why three?”

  The hotel clerk chimed in without skipping a beat, “Oh, do you have a surprise planned for her for later on?” he asked Rune.

  “Oh, yeah, I have lots of surprises planned for her.”

  I turned red immediately and tucked my face into his chest, whispering, “I can’t believe you just said that.”

  He mouthed at me, “You’re blushing, Puddles.”

  I pulled away and moved out the line of sight of the two men, who were now laughing hysterically. I began to think there was never going to be any time during the whole trip that I wouldn’t be turning red.

  As we got into the elevator, I had to ask, “So why three keys?”

  “I always get two in case I lose one, and I got one for you. And I can tell you, I’m never going to share you with someone else,” grabbing me and kissing me.